Kind of Like a Babysitter, J-N

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Kind of Like a Babysitter by hit-the-duckies
1.
My arms were just beginning to feel heavy and tingly beneath my comforter when
I heard a very faint knocking. Maybe I was imagining it. I was too comfy and too
sleepy to even consider getting out of bed to see if it was real or imagined. If
someone was actually knocking on the door at this hour, Esme could deal with it.
Then I heard several loud crashes and realized that only one person would ever
break into my house this late and that noisily. I groaned and flipped my covers
off as I heard the distinct noise of everything on the table by the door being
knocked onto the ground. If I didn’t stop her soon, she’d wake up the whole
damn neighborhood. Forgoing a sweatshirt, I dashed into the hall and down the
stairs in just my boxers, ignoring the cold.
I reached the bottom of the staircase to find Bella standing in the foyer, swaying
a bit and looking dazed.
“Edward?” she asked, looking surprised to see me in my own house. She grinned
and stepped forward. I watched her stumble and jumped forward to catch her as
she fell. She clung to my arm as she righted herself, then let go and began
hobbling off to the kitchen. She collapsed onto a stool at the breakfast bar and
grinned drunkenly at me.
“What are you doing here, Bella?” I asked as I fetched her a glass of water. She
rolled her eyes and slumped onto her arms.
“Oh, the usual. Renee’s a bitch.” I nodded even though she wasn’t looking at me,
and set the cup next to her on the counter. “She said I’m ruining her life and she
wants me in rehab. Fucking cunt. Doesn’t know anything,” she mumbled.
I didn’t answer, and instead just watched her. She swung her feet lazily into the
bar in front of her for a moment. She was wearing the same clothes she’d worn
to school, though her pants had since acquired a huge rip in one of the knees.
Seeing her like this was getting entirely depressing. She suddenly sat up and
stared at me with half-open eyes.
“Like that bitschh’s life is fucked up because I like to have a little fun,” she
slurred. “What I do doesn’t fucking affect her, so I don’t know what she’s talking
about. You know? Don’t you think she should mind her own fucking business?”
“She cares about you,” I said quietly. Bella snorted and slid to her feet. She tilted
over and I lunged to grab her again before she fell. I stood her up carefully on
her feet and she continued talking.
“She doesn’t give a shit about me,” she said belligerently, walking determinedly
towards my fridge. I followed, keeping a hand on her arm in case she tripped
again. She swatted my arm away. “All she ever does is try to fucking ruin my life
because she’s so fucking selfish. She doesn’t give a shit about me!” she repeated
belligerently. I watched as she stretched up to reach for the cookies on top of the
fridge.
“Bella, let me get those for you. Go sit down and drink your water,” I instructed
firmly.
She rolled her eyes again and said, “Whatever, you freak,” but she complied and
stumbled back to the stool. I brought the box of cookies over to her and took one
out for her. She took a bite and then dropped it on the floor, without seeming to
really notice or care.
“Do you have any alcohol, Edward?” she asked calmly. “I bet Papa Cullen keeps
some whiskey in this joint for when he’s home, huh?”
“Do you need to stay here tonight?” I asked, ignoring her question. She inhaled
long and slow and nodded her head. She tried to sip at her water but she just
dribbled it all down her front.
“Oops…so, do you have any booze here?”
“Bella,” I sighed. I felt like my heart was breaking. I was so sick of this. “I don’t
think you should have any more.” She nodded calmly and took her phone out of
her pocket and began pushing buttons.
“I’ll jussst call Jake, then. He’s got whiskey…or coke. Oooh, I want some fucking
blow,” she mumbled. I swiped the phone from her hands once she said that. It
took her a second to realize what’d happened, but when she did she glared at me
indignantly.
“HEY! Give that back, you asshole!” I shook my head and took the box of cookies
to put back on the fridge. “I need some fucking coke! Give me my phone!” I put
the cookies back and turned around and shook my head at her again. Her look of
fury changed into an apologetic one too quickly for be convincing. She was
switching tactics.
“I’ll leave, okay?” she pleaded. “I’ll stay with Jake and I won’t bother you if you
just let me have my phone back. Please, Edward? Come on, I just want a little.
Please.” I blinked away the tears that were threatening to well in my eyes and
shook my head even harder at her.
“Why not?” she whined. I shook my head more. It was killing me to see her so
messed up and only wanting something else to screw her up even more. Would
she ever stop?
“Because I don’t want you to hurt yourself more, Bella.”
“I’m not fucking hurting myself!”
“Yes, you are!” I snapped. “Can’t you see that, Bella? Every drug you snort,
inhale, swallow, drink? It’s all just hurting you! Every time you get drunk or high
or stoned, or whatever, you’re just hurting yourself! You’re ruining your own life,
Bella! You’re destroying yourself, okay?” She scoffed and dropped her arms
limply to her side.
“I don’t care,” she stated defiantly. The threatening tears had arrived, and I was
careful not to move and cause them to spill down my face as I responded.
“I care. I care about you, whether you do or not. I don’t want to see you messing
yourself up like this.”
“And why the fuck would you ever care about me?” she asked acidly. I cursed
myself mentally as those betraying tears dripped onto my cheeks. Bella’s words
stung me. They made me hurt and angry, and if they hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t
have spat out my answer.
“Because I love you, okay?” I yelled angrily.
Bella’s face went blank and she stared at me with her eyes narrowed so slightly
that few others would even notice. I fought to keep eye contact with her, and
didn’t dare wipe away my tears for fear of drawing more attention to the fact that
I was crying.
I stared at her and she stared at me for what seemed like forever. I was angry,
but I didn’t even care that I’d let that secret out, because no matter how she
reacted, and no matter how many drugs she did or boys she slept with or things
she stole or broke, and no matter how many lies she told or people she screwed
over or situations or opportunities she ruined, it wouldn't matter. It wasn't
convenient and it wasn't easy, but I would always love her. And even though she
didn’t love me back, as long as she continued to hurt herself, she would keep
hurting me.
When Bella finally broke the silence, her voice was dangerously low and suddenly
sober. Her face broke into a menacing glare.
“How much did Esme pay you to say that one?”
And then she swept out of the kitchen without another glance at me.
2.
4 months earlier
“Edward!” I heard my mother call from the bottom of the stairs. “Can you come
down here for a minute?”
“Yeah, hang on!” I shouted back and hit a button on my calculator. I wrote the
answer down, then quickly flipped to the back of my book to check the answer. It
was right. I grinned. With a low A in math, I considered it my worst subject, but
this unit was making nothing less than perfect sense to me.
I closed the book and walked out of my room and down the stairs. I lived with my
mom, Esme, mostly. Carlisle, my father was rarely around. Not because there
was any problem with their marriage, though. My parents are the quintessential
example of true, lasting love. Carlisle’s a surgeon, though, and while he could be
making an absurd amount of money here in Forks, he volunteers for Doctors
Without Borders and several other organizations that work to provide medical
care for people who can’t afford it in other countries. I miss him when he’s gone,
but he’s doing good work, and our family bonds are no weaker because of his
absences. Esme and I are very close anyways.
She was sweeping the wood floor in the living room when I walked in. I plopped
onto the couch next to her.
“Hey, Edward. How’s the homework coming?”
“Very well, thank you. I’ve done the history reading and the essay for English,
and I’m almost done with my math homework.”
Esme beamed at me proudly. I’ve always done pretty well in school, and it made
her happy. It made me happy, too. I like to work hard and I enjoy when it pays
off. And a 4.0 is a good pay-off.
“That’s great, honey. Well, I wanted to tell you something, and I apologize for it
being a little late-notice. Do you remember my friend Renee?”
“Of course.” Renee and Esme had been friends since high school. The Swans used
to live in Forks, but Renee hated the weather and the family moved to Arizona a
few years ago. I knew my mom missed her friend a lot.
“Well,” Esme smiled excitedly at me, “she’s decided to move back!”
“Oh, Mom! That’s great! When?”
“Last week! They’re already here! She just called me today to tell me, so I invited
her and Bella over for dinner tonight. Is that okay?” I nodded. “Okay, good. But
first I just want to tell you that Renee and Charlie had some problems in Phoenix,
and they’ve just separated. So, it might be a bit of a sore subject for Renee and
probably for Bella, too.”
“I understand. That must be…hard.” Esme sighed and nodded.
“Yes, Renee’s been having a lot of trouble lately. I guess Bella’s been a
bit…difficult to manage in the past few years, as well.”
“How so?” I asked curiously. I met Bella a few times when we were younger, but
I was home schooled and she thought I was a freak. I probably hadn't seen her
since we were both about twelve.
“Well, I don’t know the full story, but I think she was involved with some bad kids
in Phoenix, and I think she got into some drugs there.”
“Oh.”
There were some kids at Forks High who did drugs, but I didn’t know them any
better than I knew the drugs they used. All that stuff was foreign to me. I had no
interest at all in messing things up for myself. My plan was to keep getting good
grades and practicing piano so that I could get into Juilliard for music. I knew that
teens who used drugs were weak and foolish, and I had no desire to destroy the
life I could have by making bad decisions.
“Anyways,” Esme continued, resuming her sweeping, “if you could not mention
anything about Charlie, that’d be great. Would you mind getting some pasta
going?”
“No problem,” I said.
“Thanks. They’re supposed to be here at 6. So," she chuckled, "knowing Renee,
I’d say be ready for them at 6:30.”
I went into the kitchen and began cooking. As I prepared the meal, I ran through
my SAT practice questions in my head. The test was next Saturday, and I was
nervous about not being prepared. It was an important exam, and the score
could make or break my college applications. After a bit Esme joined me and we
worked together while chatting comfortably. And, just as she predicted, the
doorbell rang at precisely 6:30.
Esme ran to the front door, and I almost laughed. She really did miss Renee a
lot. I followed her in time to see the door swing open. Before I could get a good
look at my mom’s best friend, Esme shouted happily and threw her arms around
Renee.
“So I guess I’m forgiven for being late,’ Renee laughed.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just so happy to see you! Come on in! Where’s Bella?”
Renee’s smile faded a bit as she stepped in alone. She looked a bit older than I
remembered, but still quite attractive for her age.
“She’ll be in in just a moment.” There was an awkward pause, and then Esme
ushered Renee into the kitchen and ambushed her with hors d’ouevres. I followed
and began setting the table while they caught up. A few minutes later the
doorbell rang and I told my mom that I’d get it. I opened the door to see…Bella.
She was not the Bella I remembered, though, that’s for sure.
She was clearly no longer the awkward, stumbling pre-teen I met once or twice.
No, she was tall, thin, and…beautiful. She’d grown out her hair, and it hung long
and straight past her shoulders. She wore tight jeans and a loose shirt and her
eyes were rimmed with black makeup, though I thought that it might be a tiny bit
smudged. There was a small silver ring through her nostril and a fat pack of
cigarettes bulging out of her pocket. She looked angry.
“Edward, right?” she asked in a bored voice with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah,” I verified. “Come on in.” I stepped back to give her room to enter the
house, but she didn’t move.
“Actually, I won’t be able to make this dinner date. If you could please tell my
mother that I’m making an effort to be responsible,” she sneered angrily, “and let
her know that I’ll be at a friend's house instead, I’d be quite glad.”
“Um. Okay…?” I said, unsure. She rolled her eyes and spun on her heel before
stalking off. I watched her take out a cigarette and light it as she walked back to
her mom’s car. She got in, turned it on, and drove off quickly, fishtailing out of
the driveway. I stared.
Behavior like that just reassured me that the way I handled my life and my
responsibilities was proper. I would never poison my lungs with tobacco, or risk
my life or the lives of others by driving like that. And I would never disrespect my
mother by ditching her on a dinner with an old friend. It was just plain rude. It
was kind of shocking, too. I closed the door and went back inside.
“Where’s Bella?” Esme asked for the second time that night.
I felt ashamed of Renee’s daughter as I told her what she’d said. When I finished
relaying Bella’s message I looked up, and Renee looked a bit angry, but mostly
just sad. I felt bad. I knew Renee was a good woman, and she cared about her
daughter and loved her. It wasn’t fair for Bella to treat her like that. Not when
Renee'd done so much for Bella, like every mother does for their children. It was
shocking how ungrateful Bella seemed.
After that brief discomfort, though, the rest of the evening went well. Renee told
us about life in Phoenix, carefully leaving out anything about Charlie or Bella, and
Esme filled her in on the happenings of Forks in the years that she’d been gone.
After dinner, Esme insisted that I play Renee a piece on my piano, and she for
some reason started crying and telling me it was beautiful, which made me feel
oddly good about myself. When it was finally time for Renee to go home, she
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